There are many articles about millennials living at home. Often, these articles are in response to a new survey.

We non-millennials may assume the worst. Maybe these young adults live with their parents because they are idle or refuse to grow up. Our assumption fits into the current narrative about millennials — unfortunately, too often based on myths and stereotypes.

But to humor you, I came across an extreme case of a young adult refusing to leave his parent’s home. The parents took their 30-year-old son to court in order to evict him from their home. Even the title of the article seems to suggest that this 30-year-old is similar to the millions of young adults living at home — That 30-Year-Old Who Got Evicted By His Parents Is Just One of Millions of Millennials Who Still Live at Home.

I recently interviewed a millennial living at home. Elyze is a 29-year-old hairdresser who lives with her family in Seattle. The purpose of my interview was to document her transition into adulthood. For Elyze, so much of her transition has been shaped by the financial circumstances of her family.

Elyze realized that her family had little income when she was a teen and began to want things — a cellphone, computer, or a TV. To her request, her parents replied,

“You want those things? Well…this is what adults do (to get these things). You will be an adult in five years, so let’s talk about it.”

Her parents made it clear to their 3 girls that they were expected to support themselves and work hard. Little by little, they had them to pay for things — so much so that Elyze would ask her mom, “Really, you’re going to make me pay for that, seriously? Her mom replied, “Yeah…you are.” At 15, Elyze got a job as a nanny. During the summers she would live with the family and come home on the weekends.

Her family could not afford to send her to college so she participated in the Running Start Program. In the state of Washington, it allows 11th and 12th graders to take college courses at one of the state’s 34 community and technical colleges. Students do not have to pay for tuition and they earn high school and college credit. Elyze decided on cosmetology. While Elyze went to school, apprenticed, and built up her clientele — she lived at home.

Economic realities are a key factor when it comes to young adults living at home. In a study by the Pew Research Center in 2012, 78% of 25- to 34-year-olds living at home with their parents say they don’t have enough money to lead the kind of life they want, compared with 55% of their same-aged peers who aren’t living with their parents.

I remember how hard it was as a young adult — not making enough money while navigating career and life. Older adults enjoyed telling me how much easier life was for me compared to what they had to go through. By the way, I came across an article in The Atlantic which includes a century worth of culture writers declaring the youth of their generation to be the absolute worst; Every Every Every Generation Has Been the Me Me Me Generation. I’m happy to see more articles in defense of young people.

Young adults living at home can be of benefit to both the parents and their children. In the Pew study, 48% of boomerang children (young adults who have returned home to live) report paying rent to their parents and 89% help with household expenses. Another finding was that the parents of boomerang children are just as satisfied with this living arrangement as parents with adult children not living at home.

Deeply woven into our society is a belief in rugged individualism. Each person must make their own way out into the world like the old adage of pulling oneself up by one’s own bootstraps. How true can this really be? It’s harmful to our individual and collective psyches to see ourselves as lone individuals, completely responsible for our success or failure — measuring ourselves against standards that don’t exist.

In the long run, it may be healthier for a young adult to live at home until they are stable (financially, emotionally, etc.) enough to leave. In the article, Millennials: The savvy, stay-at-home generation we meet a young woman that moved back home with the purpose of resetting her career path. I interviewed another young adult that moved back in with her parents as the result of a dismal job market. She freelanced for a few years until she was able to secure full time employment as an account manager for a digital marketing company. Culturally, we’ve made great strides in accepting and supporting young adults who choose not to marry or become parents until they are ready. Similarly, there needs to be greater acceptance of young adults who choose to live at home.

It took Elyze 8 years to build up a solid clientele. During this time, she continued to work as a nanny to supplement her income. A family would need her from 6- 9 am before she began her day at the salon.

“I just did what I could. Just because you’ve got to hustle.”
— Elyze

Elyze is now 10 years into her career as a hairdresser. Last year, Elyze was financially able to stop nannying after 13 years.

Now, Elyze lives at home by choice. The only pressure to move out is the one that she places upon herself. It doesn’t help that she is often met with shock and dismay once people realize that she still lives at home. She foresees moving out in the near future and knows that a pricey housing market awaits her.

Elyze laughed as she talked about living with her parents. She described her parents as being more like roomates. She says that she might as well be living on her own as she pays for everything. Her sisters have both moved out and live close by. Now that she has become more financially stable, she likes that she is able to help her parents out.

I just want to make sure my parents are okay. — Elyze